I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
