you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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