i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
