Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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