yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
