I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
