shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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