I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
