This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
