I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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