How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
