She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
