I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
