im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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