She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
