My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
