girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
