I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He better not be in your backpack
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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