everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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