then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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