I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
