My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
