I feel like I'm in dance class right now
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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