Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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