we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
