Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
