I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
