well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you traded sex for a burrito?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
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