They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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