Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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