So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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