I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
