Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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