am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize