You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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