bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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