I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
