Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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