you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
