med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
