So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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