i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
