Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
