i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Four minutes until I can fart!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
