I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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