I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
time to smoke my breakfast
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
