It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
