I want to have your abortion
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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