just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
