could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
