dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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