This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
