the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
