SEEEEXXX PLEASE
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
