Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
