I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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