I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Send help, water and tortillas.
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