its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
