I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
