remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
