So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
