Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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