this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
