fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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