just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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