I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i need some magic done to my vagina
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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