I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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