But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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