worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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