That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
