i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize