Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
