if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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