We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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