went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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