God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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