I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
