i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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