My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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