Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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