You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
